Letters from the Past - Change

A regular wife, daughter and a mother. With a routine to follow whilst keeping things prim and popper. That was a life I’d been living for years. Monotonous of sorts and also quite regular. My husband and I had just moved into our new home with our two little girls. We had finally bought our own place after years of living in rental apartments. I was eager to do up the house and avoid much interaction with him. Just like most couples with issues, we had a handful of our own. I got married young, became a mother soon after, and was still adjusting to adulthood. Was I happy? No. I wasn't, But I had duties to fulfil and kids to nurture and take care of. I had no company apart from my babies and my husband, who was mostly off to work on weekdays and in his own space on the weekends. I had no friends to call not even social life at all. so I spent my time doing all house chores and raising the children. I wanted to work before all this, but as they say, circumstances change and dreams just die out. I was married six years by the time of our move to our house, and the only blessing it brought me ,were my two little angels. As the years passed by, I had given up the thought of having a happy marriage or a loving and devoted husband. The children that I bore, I cant even say were born out of love. Judge me not, for we all have our reasons, don’t we? All the same, I was a mother now, and all that mattered was the happiness and upbringing of those two sets of little feet that trotted about the house all day long. We didn't stay with or near either of our parents and had moved to a different city because of my husbands work. Safe to say there was little to none interference from both our families with cold wars and tensions there too. I was lonely. being married and having children still made me feel lonely. No soul to myself, no brightness in the eyes, no joy in the heart. The kids were small, toddlers still, little playthings for me for I myself was still a young girl with dreams of my own. With invisible wings I wanted fly to places and do great things before I’d settle for a life as a wife. One doesn't really think of how fast dreams can break. Though i kept mine alive and hidden deep inside within me. I always thought I have had the kids too soon and by the time they’d grow it wouldn’t be too late to pursue what I wanted. I prepared my mind for the wait and steadily killed time by doing right by my family. It kept getting tougher everyday that passed, things were getting uglier between my husband and I. I didn't realize I had become numb and silent over the years. Nothing affected me on the outside, or that's just how i showed it on the surface. Years had gone by and not like a blink of an eye. It had been slow and and tedious but now we had our new home. Soon after we even had a third child. This was when it finally hit me, that what I was waiting for was never going to happen, and this was it. There is no more for me beyond this life that I'm living now. I began praying for rest and peace and happiness, and I prayed eagerly, more devoted than sincere than ever. I began begging for freedom. From what though, I didn't even know. I was getting tired and weary, falling sick every other day, and it had been like that for years. But I only started realizing it now. I don't know what to call it but it came. the reckoning, a second chance, a miracle in the strangest of ways. My prayers were answered in the most unseen way, or so is how i look at it. It took me eight years, three children and a near death experience to reopen my Pandora’s box. And so on a regular weekday morning, I again woke up to nothingness and nothing new to look forward to, the regular routine to be followed and sit through the day till the next one came. Little did I know that this morning was about to be different. This was the morning that would change the events of my life here on. I still don't know if it was a blessing in disguise or a new era of tests and trials in my life. But it sure was a the day where the new events of my life featured itself. I woke up at the usual time when the alarm rang at five a.m. Dizzy slightly as I hadn't got much sleep through the night. With the youngest at just six months, its quite natural to have sleepless nights. I was craving my cup of coffee, still half asleep. I must have dozed off a little more as the time on the clock showed 5.45 am when my eyes opened. I rushed out of bed, headed straight to the children's room. Two of them needed to be sent off to school, and it was the first day for my middle one. No time for my peaceful coffee today, But I’d manage my rest and make up for it during the day. I woke the children up, making sure the youngest isn't disturbed. She had been up all night and had only caught the wink few hours ago. I had already ironed the uniforms and set the bags the previous night, and I hurriedly bathed the kids and dressed them up. While they wore their shoes, I made them their breakfast and milk and tiffin they needed for the break at school. One had to be dropped at the gate for the bus in thirty minutes so I was in a slight rush. On the other hand for the middle one, it was her first day, and had to be dropped by one of us. Needless to say my husband had to go as i was still recovering from having our third. There was still time to that so I woke my husband up with bed-tea and asked him to drop our daughter to school. Within the current rush hour I had sent our oldest off to school, prepared breakfast and tiffin's for all, and ironed my husbands clothes for his work. I was really craving my coffee time now. My husband however, had woken up in a mood. Not so different than usual but today I wasn't in mine to keep up with patience and diplomacy. Just as the day was beginning to unfold, the sun was up, the rooms lit, I hear my husband saying he isn't in the mood to drop our daughter to school and that I should go instead. I was still disoriented from the lack of sleep and mildly requested him to go today, and there it was, the first burst of anger for the day. So without more arguments I dressed up the best I could to protect myself from the rain while I rode ten kilometers on a bike to drop my little girl for her first day at school. She and I were equally excited and anxious about it too. Though I was balancing smiles for her with frowns for my hubby dearest. Meanwhile none did I know that I wasn't coming back home that day. The rain had luckily stopped as we left the house, and I was riding really carefully and slow to ensure both of our safety. Not far from the school now, I stopped at the light to make one last turn. I remember that moment very clearly as i waited for the light to go green but after that, its all just dark. Till this day I only remember that We didn't make it to the school. Some by standers said that the bike slipped n skid on the wet road when i made the turn, while some think i got hit from behind me. Mystery unsolved to the first and worst accident I had that day. I was later told I was laying on the road for a good 20 30 minutes while people thought i was dead, Not one came to help at the time. But there were two people who were driving by the road and decided to help my daughter and me. I thank the Lord for saving us that day though no one thought my daughter and i would make it alive.. I still give thanks and pray for blessings for the two people who picked us up from the roadside, of which till date i have no memory. But events of that day changed a lot in me. It was a second chance at life, and I took that chance and changed my life around. The trials of life never end though, but the events that followed after that day, were a blessing in disguise or an answer to my prayer in one way or another.